When you hear someone tell you the words "I love you" what comes to your mind? Does it make your heart flutter? Does it make you feel like you are flying on the clouds? Does it make your eyes get all misty? Have you ever wondered what is going through the person's mind who is saying those words?
I have wondered what is going through their mind all the time. I wonder what it is that makes them love me so much. I wonder if there are times where they don't love me. I wonder why it is me out of all the people in the world that they decided to fall in love with.
Tonight was a hard night for me. I had been talking with my mom about clothing and since I am a super tomboy and country girl, dressing up is not easy for me by any means. It takes me quite a while to do and its hard. I was also mentally struggling with the fact that I don't get all dressed up enough for my man. I got myself all freaked out that I wasn't doing the best I could in terms of looking girly enough for him. He and I were talking tonight and after about an hour of talking and me tearing up several times, he looked down at me (with his super soft dark blue/green eyes) and he said "You know I love you" and with that he put his hand on my face and just held me there. Hearing him say that was like a big dam of inner feelings and everything had just let loose. He has been able to make me feel more and more comfortable with everything and every once in a while there are little things that are so minor (that I take personally) that get me all tangled up inside. Its so crazy because the big problems in life I can handle pretty well, but the little dilemas tend to trip me up way more.
I have been so blessed to have him in my life. Many times I wonder how he can love a crazy country girl like me who would rather be living in wranglers and boots and a tshirt almost all of the time with my hair pulled back. I wonder so many times because this relationship I don't want to mess up. I have messed enough up in my life that was so hard for me to get through and now I don't want that to happen with this. I wake up every morning wondering if I will wake up from this wonderful time and realize its all a dream. I don't want to have this be a dream. I want to be his for forever. I just need to get through it all and with his help and love but even more I need the help of God to get us through.
I don't deserve unconditional love, but then again, none of us do. How is it possible to love more and more every single day? I have no idea, but I do find a way to love him more and more every single day.
~Rachel
About Me
- Cowgirl Rachel
- I am a down-to-earth country girl. I am not afraid to pull my weight in work. I have spent 2 years working on a dairy farm out in Iowa - yes working with cattle is one of my favorite things to do besides go and ride horses. I love to ride horses whenever I get the chance. I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. He has been the best miracle that has happened to me ever. Brett and I are both working at Frederik Meijer Gardens this summer.
Rachel, I am so happy that you have found such a wonderful young man to love you for who you are. So often, it is the case that one person wants to change the other in one way or another. Speaking from experience, only God can change the other person and then only if we commit them to prayer and allow God to do His work on them. It is so hard to feel like we are everything we can be for the one we love and who loves us, we feel like we have to meet the world's expectations of the stereotypical male or female, instead of just being ourselves. Do what comes natural to you and Brett will love you more than if you try to change it. Don't ask me why, but it just seems to be how it is...follow your heart!
ReplyDeleteAs far as unconditional love, none of us deserves it, but Jesus showed the most unconditional love for us by dying on the cross for our sins and giving us eternal life if we believe in Him. I am learning a great deal about unconditional love and just what it means to show it, it is not easy, but I feel very strongly that it is the right thing. We can only love unconditionally and more each day only through the strength of Christ. You are doing the right thing by relying on God for help to get through each day, because that is what we have to do.
May God richly bless you and Brett in the days and months to come.
-Uncle John
Rachel, I think it is the ability of a man to do those little things, that hit you in the best way, that lift you up, that hold you together, that assure you, that make him a keeper. I am sooo happy that you have someone in your life to lift you up and love you for who you are. Thank you for revealing yourself in this. I could relate to this so well, very read feelings.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm jumping in with a comment here - I agree with your Uncle John but want to expand. Rachel, it's obvious to me that this guy loves you. I can tell that by seeing the two of you together. I want you to think of this from a different perspective. If you think that you are not worthy of him, or question why he should love you, what you are saying is "He isn't very smart or doesn't have very good judgment". And if it continues, there's a chance afterwhile that he might say "OK, maybe she's right...She doesn't seem to think that she deserves me". It's really hard to do, but let yourself be loved - enjoy to the max the fact that he cares so much about you - love him back - it will be one of the best things to happen to you in your life!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Rachel!!!
A friend
Rachel have confidence in yourself. You’re a great person and you need to believe in yourself and the Love Brett has for you. If anyone is making you feel less then you are then they aren’t someone you should look up too. If you’re comfortable in boots, jeans, and t-shirts go with it! But you do look really go dressed up too!
ReplyDeleteLove you Rachel,
Sheryl