So, I can't seem to sleep tonight. It has been another night of frustration and misunderstanding among us in my household. It ended again in everyone going to bed angry and upset. I have been up for the past 2 hours trying to figure out how and when this will ever change. Part of me wonders if they just don't realize that they are controlling every part of my life.
They always say that I should go and experience all the joys of life, well I don't see any joy in the constant arguments. I feel like every time I want to do something that is outside of work then I get the reins jerked way tight. A horse only handles being pulled tight before he kicks back and everything gets out of hand. And right now I am at the point of all I can handle.
For some reason I keep just following what they say. I know I should be stronger and stand up for what I want, but that was not how I was raised. I wasn't raised to disrespect my elders decisions, I was raised to let them make the decisions and what they say is final.
I know they feel that they are losing their little girl, but honestly I am just growing up.
Matthew 18:21 talks about forgiveness and how many times we need to forgive a person for their wrong doing or any argument that may have taken place. We must forgive more times than we can count. Honestly though, I feel like every time I forgive, I am just walked all over again and again.
Will there ever be a break in my frustration. When will I be able to not have a week of having an argument or disagreement. It would be so nice to just be calm.
I must admit that having Brett come into my life has been a miracle and the biggest blessing that I have ever experienced. He has been everything that I have needed at just the right time. God knew what he was doing when he opened that door for me back in September. I thank God everyday for how my life has changed.
I just feel like my parents aren't ready for the change, but yet they still agree with the changes that have taken place thus far. So it is confusing - they want to be selfish and keep me tied up under their roof, yet they want me to try and be an individual. I wish that they wouldn't try and control me quite so much and just be alright with the fact that I am a 23 yr old and not a 5 yr old.
Prayers are needed to help me keep my head up as I push through another summer of hard stress and tension.
~Rachel
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Hang in there... I don't have answers for you, but know I'll be praying for you! I'm looking forward to your VBS decorating -- have a good week! :)
ReplyDeleteIs there any way you earn enough money to move out? You seam to work a lot of hours and don’t seam to spend money foolishly so you should have quit a bit saved by now. If your truly unhappy, that may be something you will have to consider doing.
ReplyDeleteI know I've gone though a lot of similar situations as you have. Now, I don't know your situation, but I think I can sympathize. I've had argument upon argument with my Mom and I've counted down the days until I got to move out.
ReplyDeleteI've found that as an adult, I need to hold my ground. My mom was not happy when I moved out for the summer, but she came to accept it and now it just seems normal. Plus, our relationship is much better already. We aren't around each other so often that we can drive eachother crazy, but we actually end up enjoying our time together as well as our phone conversations.
I could go on, but I think I'll leave it at that for now.